What is wrong with my husband? why does he do this to us?

Honey I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain, but I also notice something missing in the long story you wrote - something big - you haven't accepted any of the blame for your unhealthy relationship. Do you honestly think it's all your husband's fault that the two of you can't communicate without arguing? That you were just an innocent bystander all these years? I'm guessing that at least part of why your husband treats you this way is probably a coping mechanism, the only way he is able to deal when you're constantly pressuring him to live up to your standards. You need to attend marriage counseling - together - so you can work to resolve these issues and fight fair.